100 Genuine Pairings of Crack
by xxdarknessxfallsxx
Summary: 100 drabbles of the freakiest, wildest, sweetest, and most unexpected pairings that can be made in the series of FMA. Rated All. No order. /PLEASE R&R!/
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

I want to stop you here and warn you before you continue on and choose a pairing on the drop list.

_One-hundred pairings._

There are...what, 10 good canon pairings in the FullMetal Alchemist series? What about the other 90?

**This is a collection of 100 mini stories of pairings in FMA written by yours truly, xxdarknessxfallsxx.**

This entire collection of drabbles was a challenge given to me by a friend over a year ago, and I've just resumed writing them after I found the list of pairings.

Note: If your favorite pairing is on the drop list and you are unsatisfied with the drabble, please tell me and I will be more than happy to rewrite it or add to it.

Some of the drabbles suck beyond all measure, I know. Some are more blunt or less descriptive than my usual style. I try not to have a lemon in every drabble, I know that can get unappealing to the reader. But hell, I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm the writer of this insane stuff! (**M** all the way.)

I thank you for reading this far into the introduction. With my forward complete, continue on, fair warrior!


	2. EdxRoy

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

This is going to be 100 drabbles of the freakiest, scariest, wildest, and most unexpected couples that can be made in the series of FMA. Most are unimaginable, until now. And of course there will be some fluffy yaoi, royai, and traditionals on the side.

Rating varies, please check the rating for each chapter! **MOST ARE M. Thus, the rating of M. **Please R&R!

* * *

Count: 1/100  
Pairing: EdxRoy  
Disclaimer: I NO OWN.  
Rating: T 

The moment he set foot in the office, he could tell why he was here. He was here for him; the one and only, Fuhrer.

"Good Morning, Brigadier General. How was your night?" the one sitting in the desk asked him. The irresistible smirk and playing gaze the other held on his face answered for themselves. "Fine, the usual."

His tone was deep, and it matched his dense coal eyes and perfect black hair, where there was no flawless piece of hair to stir his tall complection. The voice hid a secret hatred as well as lust, and his eyes flared with the same emotion.

"But that's hardly the point FullMet-"

"That's Fuhrer FullMetal to you, Mustang." the shorter, younger, and blonder state alchemist objected, smirking in a great victory of power. "I'm your superior now, an I can control you however I like." His gold eyes flicked a look at the man, standing in jealousy and rage at this point.

"I came to request..." the raven hair man continued, gritting his teeth. "The proposition to accept the new dress code law in the military. The one where all female officers are to wear miniskirts." he said, calming down at the thought, which was of the boy in front of him in a miniskirt.

The blonde sat up a little straighter in his chair, folding his hands together on the desk in front of him. "As Fuhrer, it's my power to grant these propositions into rules, and for _you_ to propose to _me_, would mean a few conditions."

The taller man awaited to hear what the requirements were to be, almost impatient at the chibi's intolerance.

"I guess I could accept the proposal..." he started. "As long as I get to be the first one to see you in one of these new skirts."

The man's rageful glare turned to a surprised gaze as he gasped. A look of astonishment swept over him for a few seconds, before breaking into another world famous smirk. "As Fuhrer, it is your job to control me however you wish..." The raven haired man came to the edge of the desk, leaning into it to get closer to the blonde. "And I wouldn't want you to abuse your power."


	3. RoyxHavoc

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

This is going to be 100 drabbles of the freakiest, scariest, wildest, and most unexpected couples that can be made in the series of FMA. Most are unimaginable, until now. And of course there will be some fluffy yaoi, royai, and traditionals on the side.

Rating varies, please check the rating for each chapter! **MOST ARE M. Thus, the rating of M. **Please R&R!

* * *

Count: 2/100  
Pairing: RoyxHavoc  
Disclaimer: If you break it, you buy it! -cough- I don't own  
Rating: T

Roy Mustang sat lazily in his desk of the room, where mounds of paperwork was just calling his name for him to sign. But, he could care less, as he rested his head on a hand, staring out of the window next to him.

It was a nice, clear, sunny day. Perfect to go out for a walk, if it wasn't for the fact a certain Hawkeye wouldn't let him release himself without finishing the paperwork piling up on his desk.

Completely bored and rebellious against doing paperwork at the moment, a faint aroma of smoke trailed into his nose, filling his lungs with the intoxicating scent. Jerking his eyes around for the source, his gaze fell upon Havoc sitting across the room, cigarette lighted and pursed between two lips. He hated the scent, wrinkling up his nose, but loved the sight of Havoc breaking office rules. Which gave him something to do.

Standing up in is seat, he gave Havoc a menacing glare. "Outside. Now." he ordered, sounding very serious in tone. Havoc didn't object, and quickly headed out of the office, followed by Roy with shutting the door.

"Hey boss..." Havoc was starting already with the sappy kiss-up speech. Roy ignored him, walking past him down the hall. "If you want to smoke, just take it outside, not in my office." he said. Havoc followed, again, having no objections.

Once outside, Havoc leaned himself against one of the walls to the Military Headquarters, taking in the last in hail of the cigarette he had. Roy, who just came out to get away from the office, watched as he pulled out another, along with a small lighter.

Havoc set the cigarette between his lips, and brought the lighter up to the tip, flicking the switch to ignite his drug. First try, the lighter didn't work. After a couple more tries, he became frustrated and threw the thing aside, leaving the long stick in his mouth. Roy couldn't help but smirk at his frustration, and stepped forward, glove on hand. "Need a flame?" he teased, holding his fingers in the position on a snap in front of Havoc.

Havoc jerked his head back, taking the drug from his mouth to talk. "Oh no, Mustang. I don't want you to burn my head off." he said with caution, backing up against the wall.

Roy smirked, lowering his hand. "What, you don't trust me?" he teased, pecking a kiss on Havoc's pursed lips. It left a man surprised, but he responded with leaning forward to give Mustang, something more than a peck. Sweet lips gently touched another, which lasted a few more seconds before Havoc broke away. "Of course I trust you. Just, not your hands."

He returned the cigarette to his mouth, pretty handicapped with no lighter. Roy smirked, and quickly snapped his fingers under the tip before Havoc could reject, lighting the drug. Afterwards he turned to head back in, pocketing his hands and looking up at the sky.

Yes, indeed it was a nice, clear, sunny day...even better when your outside, lighting guys cigarette's instead of sitting in a desk full of paperwork.

**A/N:** I would like to thank Jill and her friend for helping me out with the pairings. Got 100 crack pairings to write up thanks to you.


	4. AlxWinry

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 38/100  
Pairing: WinryxAl  
Disclaimer: I don't own Hagaren  
Rating: M

Alphonse Elric: Age 4 -- Winry Rockbell: Age 5

Ed, Al, and Winry all ran down one of the paths leading to the valley surrounded by mountains, right outside the Resembool boundary line. Ed led the way, hoping from one rock to the next along the small creek, which further upward turned to a large river. Al followed the stones his brother was stepping on, and Winry was the last, staying lose behind Al.

The objective was not not slip and fall in, and get to the other side. This was a task harder for Ed, since he was leading the way. The next stone his foot touched, slipped right out from under him, and he fell into the shallow water surrounding him.

Al and Winry giggled while watching him clobber out, totally drenched and soaked. "We won! Brother lost!" Al said, giving Winry a high-five.

Ed just muttered something under his breath while walking away. "Hey, where are you going Ed?" Winry asked, smile fading. Ed looked back at them, "I'm going to get a change of clothes. My boxers are giving me a wedgie. I'll be right back!" and with that, he ran off.

Al and Winry had settled down in front of the creek, watching the water and an occasional minnow swim by. They were both silent for awhile, until Winry broke the awkward quietness. "Hey Al. How come you and your brother are always competing?"

Al shrugged, looking up at her. "I don't know. I guess it's just a brother thing. Like we're still fighting over who will get to marry you!" Winry blushed at the comment. "And I promised, I'd win that fight."

* * *

Alphonse Elric: Age 11 -- Winry Rockbell: Age 12

The night was cold, the stars shown bright above. Alphonse and his brother Edward watched the burning flames of the place they once called a home. They never said a word to each other, and only the sound of crackling fire filled the air.

Al followed his now much shorter brother, as they walked down the path to the Resembool train station without a look back.

_"We have no reason to come back. So we'll get rid of the only thing left for us to stay..." _Ed had said earlier.

But Al knew, in the back of his mind, he had a reason to come back; and stay. For her.

_"I promise, when me and brother get our bodies back, I'll come back and marry you Winry."_ he remembered telling the girl. And he held onto that promise, all through he and his brother's journeys...

* * *

Alphonse Elric: Age 16 -- Winry Rockbell: Age 17

Five years had passed since he left, only returning for Ed's purposes, never just because he could. He and Ed had done it. Created the Philosopher's Stone and got their bodies back to normal.

There had been a big issue with the gate, where both Edward and Alphonse were trapped on the other side for some year's time. But both he and Ed had returned safely to their rightful world. They had gone missing for a year, said the records. And had also been passed as dead from not being heard from. A tombstone in Central noted of that.

Al felt torn inside. People in this world had probably mourned over this grave the two boys stood in front of. It read, 'Edward and Alphonse Elric. Loyal and Faithful Brothers till the end.'

Of course the coffins buried below where empty, because they were standing right here. Alive and above ground.

"I'm going to Central Headquarters to sort this out Al. You coming?" Ed asked, sort of ticked people would make a tombstone of him and his brother. Al shook his head, knowing Ed could handle the matter just fine. "You go ahead brother. I'm going to head back to Resembool and make sure Winry is ok. Just meet me there, ok?"

Ed agreed and they were their separate ways, Al heading back to the one woman he had made a promise to.

* * *

A series of thoughts spread over his head as he approached the Rockbell estate. What if she didn't recognize him? Or even remember him? What if she had been driven into a depressed state since she heard that he was dead?

All of those second thoughts had been tossed aside when his fist had knocked a couple time on the door. Den, the large black dog inside, came to the door, barking and scratching on it. "I'm coming! Get back Den..." came the female voice Al had been waiting for inside. The door knob turned, and the door slowly opened to a tall, female blonde. Long hair was pulled back into a bun, and she wore a black tube top with a pair of light baggy pants. Her blue eyes focused on Al's hazel ones, and he scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Hey, Winry."

The bright smile on her lips faded, to a look of unbelieving lust. "Is it, you? Al?" she was utterly surprised, convinced this was a dream. "No. It can't be you! This is just all a dream!" she started to make her way back into a house, holding her head to 'wake up.'

Al rushed after her, closing the door behind him from habit. "No, Winry!" he objected, grabbing her wrist. She froze in her tracks at his touch, how it sent a warm vibe through her body. "It's me, Win."

She turned to face him, still partly unconvinced and surprised. "It's me, Alphonse Elric. This time in the flesh." he smiled with some sort of pride of having his body back. In the next few minutes, Al had seated himself on the couch next to Winry, explaining to her what had happened to Ed and him, where Ed was now, and how they planned to do things now.

She listened every moment, holding all questions till the end. "Is it really you Al?" Winry finally asked, after a moment of silence. She leaned over him, putting a hand to his cheek and caressing his smooth skin.

Al gently grabbed her hand, pulling her a little closer. "You want me to prove it to you? I still have to uphold my promise..."

Winry sighed, in a happy breath and putting on the brightest smile she had put on for awhile. Especially after Granny had passed on... It left her and Den alone to run Rockbell Automail. But none of that mattered now, as Alphonse leaned forward, kissing Winry for the first time, softly on the lips.

She immediately returned it, moving her hand back to his cheek, and sliding it around to the hair on his neck. Reaching for the tie that held his ponytail, she pulled that out, as Al made a motion to take down her hair as well, before the kiss deepened.

Al pushed over Winry, laying her gently on her back, before resuming the kiss again. This time, he slipped his tongue through her lips, which she let go willingly.

After a few minutes of French kissing on one another on the couch, Al's hands moved, one still in her hair, and the other, had started slipping under her thin shirt. Winry let out a gasp, and Al stopped moving his hand, making sure this was ok. "Uh, Winry! Is this ok? I mean, if I'm going too fast-"

"It's fine Al. I'm just so happy to see you again." she answered, a slight teasing lust in her voice.

Al smirked, resuming his claim of her lips of moving his fingers under the black tube top, and removing it with ease. He was amazed at how far he was getting, and held a hand on one of her breasts, which he couldn't resist breaking away for a moment to gaze.

Winry took the moment to an advantage, and slipped her hands under Al's shirt, caressing his muscles as she went, and then pulling it off over his head, tossing it some random direction on the floor.

Al could feel his pants getting majorly tight and uncomfortable, and Winry could feel it too, which led to them both removing the rest of their clothing, and moving on down the hall to Winry's bedroom.

Al was fully erect by the time he gently laid Winry down on the bed. They gazed into one another's eyes for a moment before Al spoke again. "Are you ready?"

Winry nodded, and Al kissed along her jawline, and trailed to nibbling on her neck. "I've been waiting since the f-first day you made that promise." she said, holding back moans from where his wondering hands were touching.

But Al couldn't hold himself back. He too, had been waiting. One hand squeezed her big beautiful breasts and hardened nipples, and he ran a finger along her thigh and crouch area, sending swirls turning inside her. His kisses went from her neck to her chest, tongue twisting along her nipples and hot pants and kisses being left over every inch of her upper body.

After that, Winry parted her legs, giving Al a signal to continue on, and after he had gotten a couple moans from her. With her back arched, Al, with the finger moving around the middle of her legs, slipped a finger inside her warmth.

After a moment he added another, and on the third, Winry bucked her hips, asking for more. Al quickly removed his fingers, and replaced them with his cock, entering slowly, speeding up pace until he was fully inside Winry.

She let out a cry that was of obvious pleasure, and also a faint pain. But it was just the effect of the first time, and losing virginity. Al pulled out to the edge and pushed back in, repeating the process at first slowly, and then gaining speed. He earned moans from himself and many more from Winry. It felt so great, but got a little worried when Winry cried out in more pain than pleasure. He slowed at this, but Winry objected.

"N-no, go f-faster."

Al took it as a request and gained speed, and he could feel Winry meeting his thrusts from below. It wasn't long until they formed a perfect rhythm, and one thrust couldn't be told from another. It was just one sensational feeling of pleasure and sex, which left them both covered in sweat when Winry hit her climax, which was signaled with a cry.

Al hit his shortly after, and released into her, making her cry again, but in total accord. Al pulled out, panting like crazy before collapsing on top of her. His head resting over her shoulder, laying in her soft hair, which had a vibrant scent now hinting with sex.

It took awhile for their breathing to return to a semi-normal pace, which Al flipped over and lay Winry on top of him, holding her securely around her waist, as if to never let go.

"Winry, I love you." he whispered in her ear, and then kissed her forehead, before his head head fell back into the pillows of the bed. Winry shifted, unsticking their bodies for a moment before resting her head on Al's torso, hair spread over the side of him. "I love you too Alphonse..."

He smiled, just about to faint from exhaustion, but held out for what she continued to say. "And I expect you to keep your promise."

He tried lifting his head to look at her, but failed, sinking back down. "I promise."


	5. EnvyxRoy

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

This is going to be 100 drabbles of the freakiest, scariest, wildest, and most unexpected couples that can be made in the series of FMA. Most are unimaginable, until now. And of course there will be some fluffy yaoi, royai, and traditionals on the side.

Rating varies, please check the rating for each chapter! **MOST ARE M. Thus, the rating of M. **Please R&R!

* * *

Count: 3/100  
Pairing: RoyxEnvy  
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Blah.  
Rating: M

So, here he was. Underneath the one he had sworn was the enemy. The once perfect raven hair was now messy and drenched in sweat. His smooth white skin was also sweaty, hot, sticking to another body on top of him.

The dominating figure had long greed hair, that usually would stick out of a headband, only here they were both totally nude. His violet eyes gazed down at the man with no regret.

It was odd. Every thrust given by Envy tore the insides of Roy Mustang apart, yet, he couldn't bring himself to resist in any form, and let the sin continue.

He didn't exactly know how he landed in this situation, either. He had invited Ed over. But it wasn't Ed standing on the front step when he opened the door.

Now he wished he'd never let him in, or take control of him so easily like he had. Envy was rough, but it was still pleasurable sex, enough to rob a few moans from Roy's lips. Until it was over, up to their climax's and Envy's release, he resting down into the pillows of his own bed, sweat covered and leaving a toxic scent in his room.

Envy knelt over his body, setting his head in the crook of Roy's neck.

"Don't worry, we won't tell chibi-san about this..." the sin hissed in his ear.


	6. RoyxTrisha

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 6/100  
Pairing: RoyxTrisha  
Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, very weird pairings would be made.  
Rating: T

A knock came from the front door, and two small, blonde haired boys raced to the front to answer it. "Ha, I beat you!" shouted the slightly older one, gold eyes shutting to spit his tongue out at his brother. He opened the door to reveal a very tall man, dark hair, and equally dark eyes scanning down at the two young boys. "Uh, hello. This is, the Elric residence, correct?" he asked. Both of the blondes nodded, and a female figure from the kitchen poked her head out of the room to see who was there.

"Edward, Alphonse, let man in!" she implied. "Ok Mom!" they both said in unison, letting the man come in.

He followed the boys into the kitchen, where Trisha was making dinner. The boys both seated themselves at the table, resuming whatever they had been previously doing. "Let me introduce myself. I'm Lieutenant-Colonel Roy Mustang, here looking for Hohenhiem Elric. Is he here?"

Trisha froze for a moment at the name, as did the boys. "Um, No. Actually, he hasn't come back here in nearly a year." Trisha said, her sentence tailing with a deep depression. Roy regretted bringing it up at her depressing voice, and coming out to Resembool just to find him.

"Just because he doesn't have the guts to show his face here again." Ed said gravely. Al hit his arm.

"Brother! Don't talk that way about Dad!"

"Dad? How can you call him that!" Ed yelled back.

Trisha broke up the argument quickly. "Boys! Room, now!" he said assertively, pointing down the hall. Ed quickly jumped down and walked out, slowly followed by Al.

Roy watched the two boys, and how an argument over their father broke out so easily. A silence filled the room between the two adults, and Roy debated to leave so early. That was, until Trisha began to speak again.

"It, hasn't been the same without him..." she added, continuing to chop up vegetables for dinner. Roy sighed, at how depressed she sounded. "He was a great alchemist. Known all over country."

Trisha nodded, chuckling. "The boys found some of his old books, and started teaching themselves alchemy. I'm surprised they understand it at such a young age."

Roy smiled, as she did. Her depression had lifted quite quickly, he noted. "That's not much of a surprise considering they're his sons." he commented, beginning to help Trisha with the food.

"Mr. Mustang-"

"Please, call me Roy."

Trisha blushed slightly. "Alright, _Roy._ Why don't you stay for dinner?"

Roy held his hand up in objection. "I couldn't..."

"But the boys would appreciate it. _I_ would appreciate it." The man remained silent, smirking. Couldn't argue with the lady.

* * *

Over a year passed. Roy had started making more and more visits to the Elric residence, sometime the family would go to the east to visit Roy. Either way, Roy started becoming part of the family.

Ed and Al liked him since he taught them Alchemy, particularly fire and flame. Ed was determined to be become more skilled than the teacher, and Al more skilled than his brother.

After a total of 14 months or so, a wedding was announced. A small gathering, in the home town Resembool, of Roy Mustang and Trisha Elric.

Ed was glad his mother had found another happiness, and gotten over his past father. Al was just happy for everyone. Plus, they were letting him get a kitty. Life went on with what seemed more happy than it had ever been before.

Until _he_ showed back up at the doorstep. The one called a bastard, deserter, and once a father. Should it be to his great surprise, he comes back to find his wife married to another man.

"You can't just show up here after two years and start acting like a father! Let me go Al!" Ed shouted, all while trying to get a piece out of Hohenhiem. Roy and Trisha were out for the night, and left Ed and Al home for a little.

Al had to restrain Ed with all his might, to keep him from harming their father. "No, it's ok. I'll leave." Hohenhiem said, head hanging.

Ed stopped struggling, and Al almost objected. "Father!"

But Hohenhiem had made his way to to door, leaving a letter on the window seal and walking out again. This time, not looking back.

It took two months for anyone to find the letter, and Ed and Al never mentioned to their parents that Hohenhiem had showed up. Roy was doing random cleaning, and came across the letter on the seal. He almost ignored it, before seeing who it was to and from.

_To: My Dearest. From: Hohenhiem._

Glancing around the room, he opened the letter and read through it.

_Trisha,_

_Though it has been a long hard wait, I have finished the needed research and am able to return home. My deepest apologies for not writing sooner, and not giving any word on my whereabouts. I had to remain hidden for the safety of the research. What I have been looking for was uncovered, and I shall not tempter with it any longer and return home to my rightful place and family, and to the woman I love._

_Sincerely, _

_Hohenhiem_

Roy blinked a coupe times. When did this letter get here? It hadn't been opened, judging from the seal he just broke on it. A few more thoughts passed his head as he folded the letter and set it down next to an ashtray on the nearest table.

The letter...nobody had read it. And he knew now that probably nobody knew about Hohenhiem's appearance, or suspected a thing. So, maybe, if he got rid of the evidence...

Roy pulled a white glove, a fire alchemy circle stitched in the top, from his pocket, and carefully fitted it around his hand. Putting his thumb against two fingers, he set the letter in the ashtray, thinking over his action.

_'Not for her to know.'_ he thought, snapping his fingers in one heated bliss.


	7. EnvyxEd

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 7/100  
Pairing: EdxEnvy  
Disclaimer: I want to own FMA. But I don't.  
Rating: M

"I'll be back soon Al, going to get some dinner!" Ed said happily and somewhat greedily, sounding hungry. Al waved and Ed headed out of the hotel room they were renting in Central.

The blonde alchemist walked along the sidewalk, just randomly looking for a place to eat. Anywhere was good. He didn't even know how much money he had, if any. With hands in pockets, a small little cafe' open this late at night caught his eye; and with a hungry stomach, rushed over inside.

He sat up on the counter, where the high chairs were, to make him feel taller. A man surrounded each side of him, but later on the one to his right got up a left, leaving on to his left. Shady and laid back figure, not something anyone would any attention to.

After ordering, and hungrily eating his whole meal in a matter of seconds, the waitress came back around.

"It'll be $4.58, sir." she said kindly. Ed nodded, digging around in his pockets. The chibi tore his pockets inside and out before realizing. _'Crap, I don't have my wallet...'_

The waitress started tapping her foot, holding out the tab. Ed grinned cheesily at her, wondering how he could worm his way out of this one. Before he could open his mouth, the man next to him took the tab.

"It's ok. Got it covered." he said, giving the woman the correct amount of cash. She nodded, smiling, and walked away again.

Ed relaxed, looking at his recuse. Simple, messy brown hair, dark eyes. A total stranger. "Thanks."

On the walk home, Ed walked the same as he did before, only a little slower since he was full of food; and satisfied. No one was really out this late from what Ed could notice in the dim street lighting, but one figure rushed out of an alleyway when Ed walked passed, and slammed straight into him.

"Hey!" Ed shouted, and the man backed up a little. Ed saw right away it was the guy from the cafe'. "You! I-" His sentence was cut off from something hitting the back of his head, making everything cloud into blackness.

Ed started to come around, waking up and getting his senses back. He was laying on a soft bed, hands bound behind him and hair pulled out of it's braid. _'Hmm? Where am I...what happened?'_ he thought, focusing his vision. The first thing he saw, a shadowed figure in the corner of what looked like an apartment room.

The figure started to approach him. In the right light, Ed could make out that stranger that payed his tab at the cafe. The man climbed unto the bed with Ed, almost pulling himself on top of the blonde alchemist. "No, Stop! Don't come any closer!" he shouted, in a panic state. Ed kicked the guy off, making him step back.

"Now now Edward. It's not traditional for the prey to fight the predator..." a manically insane voice said.

Ed just glared in the little light given by the moon, but wasn't prepared for when the man released a bright light over his body, revealing an only too familiar palm tree looking Homunculus,and Ed's arch enemy.

"Envy..." Ed growled in a cold tone that made the sin smirk widely.

"What Chibi-san? Not happy to see me?" Envy teased, crawling onto the bed again. Before Ed could answer, or even kick him off again, he jumped on Ed's hips, straddling him from kicking and then pinning his tied hands above his head. Ed's eyes got wide from figuring out he was pinned, and couldn't fight him off. His hands were tied in a way so he couldn't clap, and his mind spun so fast it kept him from thinking of anything else.

He tried to concentrate in the least, but it proved fruitless when Envy's lips touched, more like slammed, on his. Ed was surprised, and nearly panicked when Envy's tongue forced it's way into his mouth.

Edward was about to lose it. If he bit the tongue, Envy would probably do worse, but if he didn't do anything...he knew what this would turn into anyway it went. Thinking about it send a chill down his back, which Envy took as a sign of enjoyment.

"Want more, Chibi-san?" he raised himself to hover over Ed. "I can be anyone you like."

Ed just laid, pinned under his grasp, waiting for what Envy was doing. A flash went over the sin, and he transformed into Winry, only now, she was naked. Smooth skin was visible in the moonlight, and Ed gasped when looking up and down the body. Long, blonde hair fell over Ed, as Envy laughed triumphantly, coming closer to Ed's lips.

The girl's breasts pressed on Ed's chest, and her breath was beating down on Ed's lips._ 'No, it's Envy! But even so, Winry's my friend! Only my friend!'_ he thought, before jerking his face away. An erection was hardening under his pants, which he fought the best he could.

Envy raised up again, glaring down at Ed, who was now resisting. "What wrong Ed?" he asked in Winry's tone. Ed didn't answer, or look over again. "Let's try someone else..." and with that, Envy transformed into Roy. Again nude, and now erect, poking Ed as he hovered down closer. "How about this Hagane No?"

Ed gasped again, looking to make sure that it was who he thought it was. He didn't know what to think, or do, so he just froze. Envy smirked again, feeling Ed's member become erect. "Get ready."

Moments later, Ed was stripped down to his boxers, which were easily removed by a rough tug of Envy, still in Roy's form. Ed was now fully erect, dick standing tall and proud.

"Damn Envy!" Ed said, still making no effort to struggle. He might have actually been enjoying this so far if it wasn't for Envy tormenting him with other forms. Envy's had feeling up and down his body before getting a hold on his cock, it sent a moan up his throat. Especially when the hand started sliding up and down, twisting and massaging roughly.

Edward arched his back, tensing up in every part of his body in pleasure. He shut his eyes, raising his head, and tried to picture someone other than Roy, Envy's current form, doing this. Envy came to mind, his devilish smirk on his face and violet eyes full of lust.

Minutes later it was over, and Edward dared to open his eyes. There stood Envy, hovering over him, long green hair and pale skin, along with the fact he was totally nude. At the moment he was lapping up the blonde's juices, somewhat like a dog, which made Edward struggle a bit in disgust.

"No no, Hagane no Chibi, your not getting away." Envy teased again, sliding his hands up and down Ed's body as he began to climb on top again. Ed held still, trying to resist his own emotions of impatience and lust. After a moment, Ed was flipped over, which startled him at first.

"Envy, what are you-" but his sentence was cut off which a shrieking scream from himself, caused by Envy entering with a hard thrust.

The rest of the night was a hell turn heaven... Ed had to admit, it hurt at first. Like hell. But Envy made it pleasurable, and soon the alchemist was calling Envy's name for more.

When it was all over, both bodies drenched in sweat and fluids, Envy untied Edward's hands. But he was too exhausted to do anything, and buried himself in the soft sheets of the bed. Envy went with him, snuggling next to him and wrapping his legs around Ed, as to show possession.

Ed didn't to anything to object, and actually smirked a little. "You bastard..." he whispered.

Envy chuckled, nibbling on a strand of Edward's hair. "I know."

"I still hate you Envy. This doesn't change that I'm going to destroy you and your kind."

Envy just smirked, licking Ed on random places he could reach. "I hate you too, Chibi-san."

-Japanese Guide:  
Hagane No -- FullMetal  
Chibi -- Pipsqueak, small, short, so on...  
Prefix: -san -- In Japan, people regard each other with a prefix after their name to show relationship/what level they are. -san -kun -chan, so on. Everyone's a san!


	8. EdxRoze

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 46/100  
Pairing: EdxRoze  
Disclaimer: Disclaiming fun for all! Wee! I don't own!  
Rating: T

I loved her from the very first moment I saw her. And I hated to see her cry, especially when I left her. But I had a goal before her to accomplish, to get my brother back in his original body.

Her smile, how it went around the pink bangs and her long, dark hair. It was angelic. Because she was an angel; to me.

The day I left Loire for the first time, I had no idea of what disaster was to strike. How I would leave her, and let a terrible misfortune fall on her; and her people.

For a time, I had forgotten about her; my angel, and life had never felt so incomplete. When ever Al mentioned her, and questioned how we thought she was doing, I could only hope for the best. I didn't know what had really took place.

That bastard Colonel hid the truth from me, and when I found out I didn't know whether to be angry, sad, frustrated, or anything... Unable to pick an emotion I just broke down, sobbing with tears first before going into rage, and marching straight into Loire.

At first, the city looked like an abandoned ruin. The building were crumbled, the once lively place now silent. It was amazing people even lived here. It was amazing she was here, still as beautiful as I remembered, alive and well, but now, with a infant rapped in bundles.

She wouldn't even talk, from what she had been through. The towns people said State thugs had taken her prisoner... I could guess, how she ended up having a child.

Rape. And I felt guilty, more than ever, that it was because I left her that this happened.

"Roze..." I greeted, with a wave. It was my first appearance I had made to her, now that she was alone, and I could see her in private. "Hi...I, missed you." I said clumsily, taking a seat across the table in the small room. "It's nice to see you."

I tried everything to get her to talk, but all she could give me where smiled and sparkling eyes. Which was beautiful, but, I wanted to make up for something that happened because of me. Getting her voice back would be the first thing I could do.

As I was about to leave, it growing late, a small whisper surprised me when I turned to leave. "Thank you, Edward. Have a good night." It was faint, as if she had lost her voice. Not talking in awhile would have that effect, but it made me smile, and light a small fire in the emptiness I had been feeling.

From there, I visited Roze everyday. We talked, she laughed, smiled, and even got to a point of where she could sing to her child. I learned a few things about taking care of a child, and became like the father to the infant.

I'd always wanted to have a kid, for some reason. I was good with babysitting young ones, without even trying sometimes. But here and now, the child I was taking care of was special. And I loved his mother.

I loved her from the very first moment I saw her.


	9. HughesxRoy

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 4/100  
Pairing: RoyxHughes  
Disclaimer: Don't Fma. Own I  
Rating: T-plus

A raven haired man struggled with dragging his bags off the train. He was exhausted, and his dark coal eyes held heavy bags under them from his previous mission. Which he was just returning from. It had been grueling, but successful. Though, that hardly was the rewarding part. All he wanted now was to sleep.

But, that couldn't happen now. Now that,_ he_ was here.

"Hey, Roy!" came a friendly and familiar voice. Roy turned to see his best friend Hughes coming across the train pad, a bunch of newly developed Kodak pictures waitings to be shown off to the world.

"Hey, Maes." he said, with absolutely no enthusiasm.

Maes made a little pouty face. "Aren't you happy to see an old friend, I took time out of my busy schedule to come see you!" After that, Roy sighed, and got Elysia pictures shoved in his face before he collapsed.

"Hey, Roy, you don't look so good. Are you tired?" Hughes asked sarcastically, while Roy was passed out on the ground. After a moment, he got serious and drug his buddy home with all of his stuff.

Gracia and Elysia were out for the night and following day, because it was a holiday weekend, they they had gone to a spa to enjoy some mother-daughter time.

Roy had taken up the couch when getting to the Hughes residence, and slept for what seemed days to Hughes, who was bored. But was really only a few hours. By the time Roy woke up, it was late at night, and Hughes had broken out a bottle of beer.

He rubbed his eyes, recalling events, and then taking some of the alcoholic juice himself. "How long was I asleep?" he asked. Maes didn't answer, and on the next couple hours, they were totally drunk.

"Hey Maes. I don't think I've even gotten this drunk for awhile..." Roy said loudly, an arm slung over Maes' shoulders.

Maes replied with a bunch of jibberish. The he started going into a bunch of things on how Roy should get a wife.

But Roy objected, halfway on top of Hughes. "But what if I don't like women?"

The raven haired man didn't know if it was the alcohol that said that, or him. Either way, Hughes wasn't drunk enough to misunderstand his words. "What? Roy, are you ok?" he asked, voice half slurred with beer.

Roy shrugged, laying his head at the top of Hughes chest, more or less on top of him now. "Do you love me Maes?"

The black hair man grabbed a bunch of Roy's hair, pulling his head off his chest. "As a friend..."

Roy pulled the guy's hand out from ripping at his roots, making a whining sound and sliding more over his chest. "Nothing more?" he questioned, nearly begging. It was in that next moment that their lips met, a warm and confused-heated sensation sweeping over both of the men as Roy gingerly kissed Hughes.

"You know, if you weren't so sexy..." Roy never got to finish his words.

Since alcohol makes people to funny things, Maes actually returned the kiss, fighting his tongue through Roy's sweet, beer-tinted lips. And he would have succeeded if it had not been for the fact he was on the bottom. Roy had a better advantage and forced his tongue into the man's mouth, exploring along the roof of Hughes' warmth and trying to memorize every bump and ledge, just to forget it with the hangover the next morning.

The following morning, Roy woke up in the bed of Maes. He still had his clothes on, so obviously nothing dramatic happened. The dark haired one was resting peacefully, glasses sitting on the bedside table. Roy shifted without disturbing him, and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head. He recalled events through the heavy headache...he had, _kissed _Maes Hughes. There, he remembered. Or was that a dream? Then how did he end up sleeping on the same bed?

Either way, Roy had done something that he wasn't supposed to. And for that, deserved to leave.

Arriving back in his own home, Roy slumped over on the couch, trying to seduce the mighty hangover and pang of emotions. After awhile, his mind finally settled, until the ringing of the phone brought back a wave of pain through his brain.

Groaning, he reached over and grabbed it. "Hello?" he said aggregatively.

"Roy." muttered the other line. Roy sat up, wondering if it was who he thought it was.

"I was calling you all last night, wondering what I was supposed to do after your mission! Can me and Al take our vacation now?" asked the blonde alchemist, Edward.

Roy sighed. It was only Ed. "Sure, FullMetal. Take a week off. I'll see you back in my office with my paperwork."

After that, Roy hung up, smirking to himself. Then the phone rang again. Probably FullMetal again, to rant on about something. But no, it was who Mustang had feared a moment before. "Roy! You left before I could wake up. Are you alright?" came the worried voice of Hughes.

Roy didn't answer, only opening his mouth to shut it again. "Roy? You there?"

"Yeah Maes. I'm fine." he said, lagging in his sentence.

"You don't sound fine. You want me to come over?"

Roy thought for a moment. Before sternly answering. "No." He didn't want anything to do with Hughes, in fear he'd lose a best friend from such foolish actions.

"You know Roy," Maes started again. "What happened last night. That was just how drunk friends say hello." Roy froze. What was he getting at? "Best friends can do that, and I wouldn't mind giving you the full ride sometime. But, only if you want. Nobody has to know."

Roy raised a brow, a smirk sliding across his face. "You know, I think I'd like that." he said. "But now, I'm trying to deal with this damn hangover you gave me!" and with that, he slammed down the phone.

Maes was about to object, but knew his line had ended at the hum of the dial tone. "Roy, always blaming your problems on me." He shook his head, gently setting the phone back down on the receiver.

"_Nobody has to know..." _


	10. TuckerxNina

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 72/100  
Pairing: NinaxTucker  
Disclaimer: Well, this is the millionth time I've had to say it. I don't own...  
Rating: M

Ever since his daughter was born, he'd been lusting for her.

When the girl was older, he had tried to rape her, but his wife had caught him in the act, and was going to turn Tucker into the police. He couldn't quite let his new life go down the drain, as a state alchemist, so an idea popped into his head.

To turn his wife into the talking chimera so she'd stay quiet about the whole thing. Sure, she'd still be able to talk, but her mind would be mixed with some of other animal, disabling certain thoughts from her human life.

Sure it was mad, but so was lusting for his own daughter. And it had to be done.

Nina was dramatized since then, though she never found out the truth about her mother. "Nina, Mommy left us..." he told her. The girl's eyes had filled with tears, and to make her feel better, Tucker bought his daughter a nice dog.

After awhile, a smile had returned to Nina's face, and she forgot all about the little ordeal dealing with her father. Especially when a certain Edward Elric came along.

The lonely days seemed to disappear when she was around him, the blonde alchemist who was short for his age, but still towered over the small girl, Nina.

"Don't worry Nina, we'll come back and play." he promised. Nina smiled and waved as they left, but when heading inside, got a rude awakening when snatched up and forced into a room, with the door shut and locked. No Ed, Al, or Alex was here now to protect her. Tucker was the one to do this, and the memories of the last molesting started to come back.

"Daddy? Stop!"

The man was touching, feeling her all over the place, pulling up her shirt and stripping her off all clothing. Her skin was smooth, gentle, like a baby's. "It's a good thing that Edward left sweetie..."

The braid the girl's soft brown hair was in was pulled out, and Tucker himself had started stripping. Right as he had removed his belt, and was taking off his glasses with another hand, there was a shout out in the hallway.

"Mr. Tucker? Nina?" It sounded a lot like... "I can back to get my State Pocket watch. Pretty sure I left it in the library." Ed's voice trailed while he had started toward the said room.

Nina tried to scream for Ed, but Tucker cupped a hand over her mouth. "Shh Nina. We don't want Edward to find us..."

Footsteps trailed again towards the front door, the exiting of Ed. Nina didn't know what to do, or think, just to get away was what mattered. The girl bit hard on Tucker's hand on her mouth, before she screamed at the top of her lungs for help.

The footsteps in the front stopped, and doubled back towards the room they were inside. "Nina? Are you in there?" Ed turned the door handle, but it clicked into place. Locked. He started kicking the door for it to open, and soon just alchemized the lock open.

"Nin-" his sentence was cut off by Tucker, pushing him aside and running out the door. Not much was heard of him since.

_Yeah, I know, it wasn't very great. But, this is a not a strong point in pairings, and I'm very tired, people._


	11. FuhrerxRoy

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 22/100  
Pairing: FuhrerxRoy  
Disclaimer: I don't own FullMetal Alchemist.  
Note: When seeing this pairing on a huge list I have (compiled by Arisa-Weasley, forgot her new username), a huge grin appeared on my face. Why? Well, what ass-kissing do you see when you read this pairing? Literal? Or a little more toward the front? I just thought it was amusing.  
Rating: M

It was odd. Most everyone has a general direction to where they want to go in life. Some want to become a fireman... some a police officer...

Roy Mustang? He wanted to become the next Fuhrer of the military.

"_But I'll dutifully obey my orders, at least until I'm Fuhrer and every one of them is obeying me."_

He wanted to get to a position where he'd never have to obey another inhuman command every again.

"_I'll work from the inside and push you to the top."_

He had help from those who were loyal and believed in him. Maes, Riza... The whole crew. But there was always one problem. One road block in his way from reaching his goal.

One six foot, tan skinned, one eyed problem named Fuhrer King Bradley.

It was ironic. How he didn't want to do anything inhuman under a military order, but what situation has he caught himself in now, where he's being ordered to do something he considers one of the most degrading things for a man to do to another man.

All to become the next King of the State.

These thoughts and several more ran through his head while he was on his knees, in no position to speak in his defense for the actions he was performing for his King, Bradley.

"I'm quite surprised _Brigadier General_ Mustang. Not even I thought you were so faithful to your superior officers." His voice didn't hold the correct tone for the performance Roy Mustang was enacting on the man.

And the raven-haired man could only comply, mouth full of a large member that was oddly cold though Roy felt like he was on fire. Shot through with humiliation, adultery, and a wickedness presented by King Bradley as he politely sipped his cup of lemon-hinted tea as Roy finished the actions he was at so much unease with finishing.

A grunt finally came from the Fuhrer as Roy suddenly stopped his actions and choked on whatever he had not been expecting; he felt as if he would pass out after swallowing a mouthful of the oddly cool excretion.

His coal eyes did not dare look up at his associate after his work was complete.

"Very well, Mustang. I will put in a good word for you with the higher ups. Perhaps we'll see you in this office as Fuhrer one day after I retire." The man stood and zipped up his pants. "That is...if you serve just as loyally and faithfully as you always have."

The kind yet mocking words of the King made Mustang feel even sicker in the stomach, and as soon as Bradley dismissed him, he hurried to the nearest bathroom to wash away the desecration.

After all, Roy Mustang wanted to be Fuhrer of the State. And he vowed he'd do anything to get to a position where he'd never have to follow to an inhuman order _ever_ again.


	12. GreedxSheska

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 42/100  
Pairing: GreedxSheska  
Disclaimer: Don't even own the car I drive yet. I don't own this series!  
Rating: T+ (For crude implication)

Paper after paper, book after book piled on top of the desk. A young woman sat behind all of these stacks; she held a nice pen in her hand and was scribbling furiously at sheet of paper. She was a young girl with rough brown hair and large eyes hidden by glasses, she paused momentarily to adjust these bifocals before continuing her work.

Her gift was a perfect memory of every book she'd ever read, and that was being put to use as her job as a secretary for the Lieutenant Colonel Hughes.

After several hours of writing the elements to a military trial record of a mister 'Zolof J. Kimblee, ' she stopped her writing and took a short break. Setting her hand on her head, she leaned back in her seat and sighed. "My, it's hot in here..." she said, unbuttoning the blue military jacket and relieving herself of the heat somewhat.

Suddenly the phone rang. She answered quickly, "Secretary Sheska speaking." She expected the returning voice to be from Hughes or a related officer, but it was neither.

"I'll need a few things today..." The voice was foreign, deep but smooth and teasing.

Sheska didn't think much odd about the lack of knowledge for the voice. "May I ask who's speaking?"

The voice on the other line grumbled slightly. "You know who is it. Greed, baby. I'll need triple orders of everything I had last time."

Sheska's cheeks flushed when she realized this man probably had the wrong number and thought she was somebody else. "Uh, Greed? I believe you have the wrong number. This is a secretary office to a branch of the military."

There was a short pause. "Then I have the absolute right number, Miss Sheska."

Sheska was fully confused at this point. It crossed her mind to hang up the phone, since she was getting very edgy with this Greed character on the line. After a moment she did, hoping the strange man would not call back.

She stared at the phone for a few seconds, then continued to remove her jacket, again complaining about the heat of the room at this time of day.

She gasped when the phone rang again. She debated whether or not she should pick up the phone this time. It also crossed her mind it was actually Hughes this time, which made her bring herself to answer it. "Secretary Sh-"

"Sheska, yes. Your hair is short and a brown color, eyes hidden by glasses and you just removed that jacket from your delightful chest."

Sheska froze, looking around the room with paranoid eyes. It was still the voice from before.

"You can't see me, but I can see you."

Sheska made no movements, only lifted her pen from the desk, testing.

"What are you planning with that pen, honeybun? I'm not talking with you for games, although I could think of a few good ones involving you in a cute little suit..."

"What do you want?" Sheska demanded in a shaky whisper. She dropped the pen and stiffened her posture in her seat, eyes darting around the room nonstop. "That document you've almost finished up with...About our Kimblee? Give it to me."

"I can't do that." she replied sternly, thought felt very scared inside.

"That's perfectly alright. But you'll soon see, if you don't...a few of the people you care about most will cease to exist. You can find me at a bar downtown called the Devil's Nest. I know you know it, I've seen you there a couple times. You like a simple brandy and then you're right on your way."

Sheska gulped. "I only have one question, Greed..." she started, shaking in her words.

"Ask away, doll-face."

The mouse-like girl stood, gaining the confidence to ask. "Are you an alien?"

There was a long pause.

"I can be anything you want, Shezzy."

The line died afterwards.

* * *

Convinced that the person on the phone was indeed of alien decent _at least_, Sheska was a smart girl who knew better than to piss off the alien powers and provoke them into taking out their wrath on the people she loved.

So she came to the Devil's Nest with the file of Kimblee in hand, though she was confusing on why they wanted it, and sat at the bar and went to order a drink.

"Let me guess." started the bartender in the shadows. It was a voice she recognized. "A brandy?"

The big eyes looked up through the glasses to see the face of who she knew as Greed. Dark hair spiked up out of his scalp, followed by a toothy grin and thin violet eyes. She gasped a little bit, not expecting the aliens to look quite like he did.

Well, she didn't know what to expect but certainly not a man as slick as he was.

Sheska nodded, setting the file on the counter. He took the file and looked inside before giving her the brandy. "On the house, doll-face." he said, sharp teeth showing in his wide grin.

The girl squeaked, blushed, then sipped her drink nervously.

A different man walked up to the bar now. He tapped his knuckles on the table and held out his hand. Greed smirked and handed the man the file. Sheska nervously looked up at him. "Nice to see such a young person being inspired by my record..." he said.

Sheska gasped again. She recognized the man before her as the one the record claimed was executed several years ago after the war... Zolof J. Kimblee.

There was only one possible explanation again, _aliens could bring people back from the dead_!

Sheska's breathing increased as she finished her drink and stood to hurry out of this place. A strong hand with a red serpent tattoo grabbed her arm and stopped her. She squealed, which her sound was quickly covered by the lips of Greed.

Muffled, she froze with eyes wide and unable to get away. He pulled away, then grinned into her ear. "This little event never happened, correct?"

Terrified and shocked, Sheska could only nod before Greed released her arm and she stumbled out of the place as fast as she could.

This was going in her journal for proof of alien existence and no where else!


	13. EdxLust

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 10/100  
Pairing: EdxLust  
Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, Hughes wouldn't have died!  
Rating: M

There was no control over any of his actions when he was around her.

After all, her name was Lust for a reason.

She was the image of perfection in both a man and woman's mind, something a female would strive to be and a man would strive to make his own, even for a night.

He was no exception. Though he was new to man-hood, his body told him all he needed to know. She was the enemy but she was also the key to a release.

She wanted to help him and admired his strive and goals to make right what he'd wronged. She told him her actions were for her own cause, to become a human, but she knew she would help Edward until the end no matter what would happen to her in the end.

* * *

He had her locket in his metal hand.

She had his life lingering on long pointed fingertips.

They were both alone and together inside a dark hotel room overlooking an alley, having an encounter that was both private and forbidden.

"Fullmetal." she greeted in her seductive tone. He held the locket higher, causing her to freeze in place.

"Don't play me." he replied through gritted teeth. His frustration was both sexual and anger. He knew his brother was alright without him, but there were homunculus on the loose and he knew how to get rid of them. She was one of these sins, the cursed marked with the red serpent. He stared at the symbol on her perfect chest while trying to decide what to do at this point.

Her nails retracted back to their proper length. "I want to help you, Edward. You possess the philosopher's stone. I have all of the information and deception you'll need to bring us down. Equivalent Exchange, right?"

He glared up into her violet eyes as she tried to throw equivalence into the equation. "Don't you dare tell me what I should do for you. You know damn well _who_ the stone is and I'm not letting you have him just so I can kill off all of your friends, probably so you can have the stone all for yourself-"

"I just want to become human, Edward."

He was surprised and caught off-guard by this explanation. He didn't exactly know how to respond. Young adolescent eyes traveled over her curvy body as he took a step forward.

"Why?" he asked. "Why, when you have immortality, such power, would you want to become something so imperfect?"

She paused for a moment then wrapped her arms under her full breasts. "For the same reason you want to get your brother's body back. I may look the part but I am not a human woman, Edward. Just as Sloth is not your mother. I want to be a human with a soul, able to feel and live and die at the end of it all."

Edward listened as she poured out her reasons for wanting to be a human so badly, all while the space between them was slowly closing. She would deceive her master, kill her allies, help the one she'd been stringing on all along to reach her goal. Just as he would kill the own image of his mother, burn his home and leave the ones he cared about behind to reach his.

His eyes again settled on that red mark on her chest, right above the succulent chest and below the divine collarbone attached to a neck that called to be ravaged by lips.

"Like what you see, Fullmetal?" she teased, taking a step forward. He did have a power over her, the locket, but she held a power over him he could not simply alchemize away like any other obstacle in his way.

He blushed and held his ground. "N-no-"

"It's alright Edward. Every man has had the same feelings towards me; the only difference for you is you know what I am and yet you still have the lust in your eyes." She sounded surprised.

He blushed even harder, then slammed his foot on the ground. He forced anger to overtake the lust in his eyes. "You are not human, Lust! Stop trying to pretend like you are!"

That hit a vessel. The smirk playing on her rosy lips fell into a dark frown. She turned completely away from him and walked over to the window of the room.

There was a long silence that passed between them. All hate, anger and frustration had passed in those moments, and instead an intensity and passion grew in the place of these things.

"Will you allow me to help you are not, Fullmetal?" she asked, back still turned to him.

With no answer and footsteps drawing nearer at a fast pace, she turned with her nails ready.

But when turning, she met his face and the locket dangling between. She was frozen, caught in surprise just as he had been earlier. But one more thing passed through her; fear for the look on the alchemist's face.

"You will help me destroy Sloth, but there is something else you must help me with first." His husky tone was frighteningly unbearable.

He threw the locket aside and in the same instant she took her thin arms under his shirt and crushed their lips together.

A power and a hunger he held with as she removed his clothing and he hurried her out of her own. A dark force worked inside of him as they crashed to the bed in a mass of flesh and metal. It was almost as if the person holding her down and sucking her lips and skin wasn't quite Edward Elric, and she was quite sure he'd be entirely different afterwards when he was concentrating back on his goal. And that was quite alright with her.

The pair molded in ways, physically and mentally, that two in a million never get to connect as. He grunted in pleasure to encourage and she moaned sensually to keep him going. She was everything anyone could ask for a so much more. Human or no, her body, her scent, her touch, her voice... it was all so intoxicating. To a point it was almost unbearable and he felt he was going to burst instantly.

By the end, no mercy had been shown in the battle and the proof were two bleeding, bruised and highly satisfied forms left to gasp for air together in the dirty sheets.

* * *

There was no control over any of his actions when he was with her.

After all, her name was Lust for a reason.

He was no exception.

And she was going to help him in any way she could until the end.


	14. FuhrerxRiza

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 40/100  
Pairing: FuhrerxRiza (With the canon RoyxRiza)  
Disclaimer: Oh the wonderful bliss of taking two souls and putting a simple x between the names. Calls for a whole new meaning. I do not own Hitler, any Fuhrer, fiction or non, or any assassins, fiction or non.  
Rating: M

"Major Hawkeye... Come into my office."

Obeying the Fuhrer, the female officer did as she was told. She wondered momentarily just why the Fuhrer had requested this private meeting in his own office, but she did not speak a word as she saluted him and then stood at ease.

He sat with ease at his desk, sipping on a cup of lemon hinted tea. "As you know, General Mustang is in the highest position as a right hand man of mine. After General Haruko retired, and with the passing of my secretary Ms. Douglas, I thought it'd be my own time to retire." he explained kindly.

Riza Hawkeye was silent for a moment. She wasn't catching the point of this meeting yet. "I'm not making the connection, sir."

Fuhrer Bradley went on, standing from his seat. "Mustang is a dedicated man. He works hard and he's been good and loyal to the state for as long as he's joined the military. I wouldn't have a doubt in my mind that he'd be one of the best candidates for the position I'd open up by retiring."

A flutter came over Riza's heartbeat. Was he implying...?

"But as you know, a captain is only as good as his crew. I called you here to have a valuation, if you will, of your loyalty to your superior officers.

Riza paused. Then why hadn't Havoc, Breda, and Fury been invited here as well?

As if reading her mind from her slightly confused expression, the King continued. "I feel as if you are the only one out of Mustang's Subordinates I can trust completely. You can keep a secret, can't you?"

Riza nodded. "Yes sir. This promotion will stay between us." She said, still feeling a little bit at dismay with his reason for requesting only her here.

But this quickly subsided as her heart swelled with happiness, knowing that at last, the one man she'd been supporting since the beginning would finally make it to the top. A happiness flooded over her just repeating her thought in her head, to a point that she almost smiled on the outside.

But King Bradley's words brought her back to the events at hand. He had approached her, single eye not covered by a patch looking her up and down. This unnerved her. His large hand reached up and touched the tip of her blonde bangs sweeping over her face. He gave a chuckled of approval before giving his order.

"As for an assessment...Please remove your jacket, Major."

Riza struck this order as a bit odd, but obeyed and unbuttoned the blue military-issue jacket and let it fall to the floor.

What made her even more alarmed was when the Fuhrer mimicked the jester and took off his jacket as well, followed by the white collar shirt that covered his chest.

"Please continue removal, Major." he said.

Riza froze, looking up to the Fuhrer with revulsion in her eyes. "I don't believe that is an appropria-"

With lightening speed, the Fuhrer came forward and held her wrists together with one strong hand and her covered her mouth with the other. "Do you understand the loyalty you'll need to possess if the General is to become Fuhrer, Hawkeye? You do understand this is necessary in order for him to reach his goal."

Riza was frozen, useless under his strength regardless. It was inhuman, all of it...

But she promised Roy she'd help him get to the top, no matter what, even if the higher up wanted to use them as puppets. This was when one of those 'No matter that' things that didn't get a waver. For several minutes she wanted to reject it all, but the binds in her heart, that were ripping with every article of clothing Bradley removed, were all for Roy Mustang.

Soon she was sky-clad and he followed suit, then moved her contended body onto the couch and began the shameful actions that would forever scar the woman Riza Hawkeye. His tongue caressing her sensitive areas and hands groping the rest, she understood why he had requested her long before any of this started. She knew this was coming in the back of her mind and she didn't want to believe it, still refused to even as he thrust into her.

One thing she did know, however, was how much she wasn't going to regret it, and who all she could not tell. With every pleasurable moan and sharp gasp of ecstasy, she realized all of this and so much more.

All of this for the one she loved.


	15. AlxFletcher

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 60/100  
Pairing: AlxFletcher  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, names or ideas from the FullMetal Alchemist series.  
Note: I'm not really a huge fan of writing Yaoi, but it can be quite adorable sometimes. Anything but the overused RoyxEd stuff. Cute at first, now it's just suffocating the M section of FMA. Note how much the EdxRoy drabble I wrote sucked? Jill was not satisfied, I'll tell you that. o.o  
Rating: K+

The both of them knew what kind of burden and joy an older brother could be. They were there to bask in the elders greatness and yet to keep a cap on the ego within. Inseverable bonds were created both pairs of boys, bonds that would never die, even after each brother passed on. The two had connected on a level of understanding not many younger brothers did, they shared the same common mind to help others.

The Elric and Tringham brothers both knew all of this and so much more. Both had been on a long journey, one pair trying to find their meaning in life and the other making a meaning; sometimes their lives intertwined with one another, just as they had on this fine day.

Edward and Alphonse Elric had gotten their bodies back to their original flesh form and were traveling home, while Russel and Fletcher Tringham had taken their agricultural alchemy to an entire new level. Hearing the news of Ed and Al's arrival, they headed to Risembool as well for a reunion.

* * *

Alphonse Elric stood tall on a hill overlooking the small country of Risembool. The sun was low in the sky, painting a spectrum of color and he gazed out at the horizon, enjoying every breeze that flowed through his blond hair, every scent that tickled his nose, and every last ray of sun soaking into his skin.

"It's that beautiful, huh?"

Al turned, hearing the familiar voice of Fletcher Tringham. Russell stood behind him, small suit case flipped over his shoulder. "We just arrived. Saw you sitting out here all by yourself."

Alphonse's eyes sparkled with happiness. "Fletcher, Russell!" He wondered momentarily if they knew who he was. Many people didn't realize he was Alphonse Elric, the younger brother in the armor.

"Alphonse?" Fletcher questioned, a grin breaking out over his face. He'd grown since Al remembered from the little boy with the green cap to a young man with baby fat still hanging on his cheeks. Russell himself hadn't grown much taller, for Ed's sake, but was slightly more matured in the face than he was before.

"In the flesh." he announced happily, standing up to show them his real body.

"And Ed?"

"No more automail. Winry was so disappointed, but happy nonetheless." Alphonse looked back out into the sky and watched the sun sink into the hills and let it's last few rays wash over him. "Let's go back to Winry's."

The group walked down to the yellow house, Al rushed in to tell Ed and Winry that guests have arrived.

"What are you guys doing way out here?!" Ed spat.

Russell set his suitcase down, smirk on his lips. "We heard you both had appeared back in our world. I thought we should..." He looked around then pulled a liquor bottle out of the suitcase. "...celebrate. And catch up, of course. Maybe give us the run down of how you got your bodies back. I'm sure everyone is dieing to know that."

Ed grinned inwardly and walled over to the bag, pulling three more bottles from it. "Yeah, everyone has wanted to know but we need to be careful who we tell."

Alphonse laughed, eyes looking over the drinks with a bit of excitement. Pinako would never allow this, and he hadn't ever tasted alcohol before... "Let's go up to the old house and tell the story, Ed."

Edward looked at his brother, somewhat surprised he suggested such an non-innocent thing. "Okay, Al. Winry! We're going out, just guys. Tell Pinako we'll be back later."

A reply was shouted across the home while the four brothers ran out of the house and up the lane to where the burned remains of their old home still stood. Russell and Fletcher had questioning looks on their face as Ed and Al chose a spot and sat down under the stars.

"It all began right here." Ed started. Russell passed him a bottle, which he accepted and opened.

The remaining three did the same, the younger brothers looked questioning at the drinks. Fletcher and Alphonse watched the older brothers, who they guessed had drank things like this before, and copied how they took a swig.

Alphonse nearly choked and Fletcher spit his first sip on the ground. The elder brothers laughed. "It's horrible the first time, but you'll get used to it. Keep drinking." Russel said.

Ed continued the story as Alphonse and Fletcher sampled the whiskey and had different expressions on their face every time.

"And that's when I was transported to a place called London through the gate..." Ed hiccuped at the end of his sentence, throwing his empty bottle aside into the pile of bottles the boys made in the middle of their story-telling circle. Alphonse and Fletcher were only on their second, but Russell and Ed had gone on and on, laughing more than usual and saying things he thought were absolutely loony.

He found himself unable to care however, as there was a buzzing in his head that made him want to...grin.

Smile big and wide and make him laugh.

He suddenly broke out into laughter, took his bottle close to his chest and began to roll down a hill he'd been sitting on top of. The elder two hardly noticed as Fletcher followed, just as giggly as Al was being.

"Having a real body is soooooo great." he told Fletcher.

The bleach blond nodded and rolled over on top of Al without meaning to. They hadn't realized the closeness of their proximity until Al felt he couldn't move and Fletcher realized the ground was warm and squirming.

"I through about you and Ed every day, Alphonse." Fletcher admitted with a blush.

Al grinned. "Me too."

"I missed you."

"Me too."

There was a long pause. Al tried to take another drink but the bottle slipped from his hand.

"Opps..."

Before he knew what had happened, a pair of lips had enclosed Al's mouth. Tenderly, shy, then more meaningful and capturing. It lasted a long while with both young boys pressing into the kiss. What they were doing hit them after two obnoxious voices came from above.

"Alphonse and Fletch sitting in a tree...k-i-s-s-i-n-gwee..." Russell and Edward sang together.

"It's G." Ed spat at the taller boy.

Alphonse and Fletcher separated, unsure of the events that had just laced them together.

For the remainder of the night, Edward barely managed to finish the story and all four of them passed out underneath a tree looking up at stars and making shapes of them just as little kids did.

Alphonse looked over to Fletcher in the grass and bashfully reached over to take the young boy's hand. And like this they fell asleep.

The morning after however, was a different experience.

"Ugh! My head!" Edward shouted, disturbing the other three who wanted peace.

"What did you do to me?"

"I feel like my head is splitting into two!"

Alphonse and Fletcher held their heads together, as they walked back to Winry's house and fell back to sleep on the porch, leaving their elder brother's behind to shout at the ruins.

"My head hurts, Al."

"Mine too."

Head on Fletcher's stomach, Alphonse fell into a comforting rest that seemed to make the throbbing pain go away.


	16. KimbleexRiza

**100 Genuine Pairings of Crack**

Count: 20/100  
Pairing: KimbleexRiza  
Disclaimer: No more disclaimers. I don't own anything. There you have it.  
Note: Although I haven't read the manga, I know a little bit about it from what I've read on reviews and other fan fiction. This is more based off the manga, but if I screw these characters or names up, screw me.  
Rating: M

**Update: This drabble was edited and had some parts added because it sucked beyond all measure.**

The air was hot, thick and blowing up sand in every direction. The desert storm blinded any person who wasn't accustom to it in their eyes. State Alchemists who'd been on the field for awhile where not as such. Ishballans were still fighting back, after all of the destruction caused, after all of the blood shed. Soon their entire race would be annihilated if they didn't stop.

"Such pathetic people..." came the mocking tone of one of these Amestris soldiers. No one was around to hear him, so he was simply talking to himself out on the front lines, making sure no enemy got passed the borders. If they did manage to avoid his explosive hands, they would be shot down by a sniper. He glanced up at the tower, a dark outline against the sand flying in the air. There had been whispers about new officers, freshly recruited, already being sent into battle. The man talking to himself had already seen one of them; a young woman, hardly an adult. He shook his head, knowing they wouldn't last long.

Over the flurry of the storm and his off-task thought towards a new recruit, he hadn't seen an Ishballan with a large curved blade sneak up from behind him. He didn't have time to think, much less clap his two tattooed hands together before the man raised the blade and was ready to kill him.

Right in the middle of this attempt, the angry dark red eyes rolled back up into his sockets and he fell over on the ground in front of the Crimson Alchemist. Blood poured from a small bullet hole in the exact center of the enemy skull. The sand storm around him dispersed.

The man smirked, his golden eyes traveling back up to the tower where he got a glimpse of the honey colored hair and auburn eyes of the sniper who'd just saved his life. Feeling finished for the day, the alchemist disposed of the second enemy that had followed the first. He simply clapped his hands together, activating the alchemy of the circles there, and caught the enemy in his attack.

Dark blue hair pulled back into a ponytail went wild as an explosion occurred within the enemy man, tearing him to pieces from the inside. The Alchemist smirked, muttering another comment about how foolish the Ishballans were and started back towards camp.

The sandstorm had died here, since the camp was set up in a valley of some sort in the desert. He was greeted by an officer, pointing him in the direction of where the water had been moved to. Without a word to the lower ranking officer, he traveled over to quench his thirst. It was here he caught another glimpse of the auburn eyes and honey blonde hair of the new recruited sniper. Walking over, he sat down on a crate next to hers and took a tin of water, drinking until a satisfied sigh came from his lips.

She watched him from the side of her vision, not intently as others might have since he always seemed to have a pleasurable smirk plastered on his lips, even after taking someone's life.

"Thanks for the save out there today, sweetheart." he started smoothly, still not looking directly at her.

"Just doing my job,_ major_." she replied sharply, not flattered by the name-calling he was throwing off.

"Touchy, touchy... A simple 'you're welcome' would have sufficed." he mocked, though did give her kudos for the spunk. He'd almost grown tired with the easy ones... Golden eyes looked up to her auburn, though the color did not matter for the emotion behind the eyes. A killer who wouldn't accept she was a killer; someone who held desperately unto humanity even when pulling the trigger. She was no different than Major Flame and the other Alchemists who were sent here like him, knowing well they'd have to kill in battle, and yet... "But who am I fooling. If you hadn't have shot that enemy out there today, I wouldn't still be here now. So I suppose that means I owe you my life, sharpshooter."

Riza didn't quite know how to react as he bowed, throwing his hair over his head and making his torso perpendicular with his legs. He stood up straight after that, flashing her a smirk before leaving her just as quickly as they'd met, retreating back to his own quarters and leaving a stunned sniper to gape.

A few mornings later, Kimblee hadn't forgotten about the event between he and the sharpshooter. He was sure she hadn't either, because it was rare he was like he was and left a deep impression on people acting out of his usual character.

Showers had to be quick and usually cold. This was to save water and make sure the soldiers were clean enough not to soil their clothes, not necessarily to be squeaky clean. Gender also did not matter in this shower frenzy; once someone stepped out, the next stepped in. Things were too quick and serious to be bashful.

Of course, the Crimson Alchemist could use this to see the sniper up close and personal, or the other way around. Walking around casually, stripping his clothes off slowly, he looked for her. She was not in the small crowd huddled around the area he was in. It was impossible that he missed her; he'd been one of the first up. Moving to the back of the line, he waited until he was last.

That's when she appeared. Meaning to be last of the group, probably to avoid being seen naked, she came with her hair out of it's clip and only a white shirt covering her torso.

Kimblee made a unsatisfied sigh to himself as she stepped into the stall next to his, shirt still covering her torso, eyes completely avoiding his. He went back to washing himself before he suddenly started humming.

It wasn't a real tune, it probably was more annoying than anything, because the sniper turned to him and softly glared behind auburn eyes. "This is a war, Kimblee. Not a place to play games." She must not have been in the greatest moods to speak that way to a superior officer.

He smirked and glanced at her skin showing through the wet white cloth of her shirt. Glaring even more so when she saw this, she turned away. Blonde hair was moved away from her back, where a very detailed transmutation circle covering her back with a large scar in her upper left shoulder blade showed through the shirt. He stared at it, very intrigued at what sort of circle it was and why it was tattooed on a sniper's back. He recognized the symbol as a more elaborate fire alchemy symbol Major Flame had on his gloves. (The Alchemist was perceptive like that.)

With his intense staring, the sharpshooter looked back and noticed much too late. That's why she always took showers last, no one was supposed to see the tattoo, no one else! She quickly finished, turning her side to Kimblee in the adjacent stall for the rest of the time before leaving, mixed emotions of anger and embarrassment on her face. Kimblee could only stare at her until she was out of sight, mind now distracted with several new thoughts about what that little sniper was hiding under the skin.

Of course, trying to get close to a person during a war could be difficult. So Kimblee waited until after the war was over, naturally. Ishball had been finished off, whatever the reason for the war started he didn't know, but he was on the train to come home in the east when it was all done.

During that train ride, he started so intensely at Hawkeye, if she didn't figure out he wanted something from her she was an idiot. He knew he unnerved her with his focused golden eyes; she could only stare back or ignore him unless she wanted to start a scene.

When the train boarded the station, it seemed the little sniper had quickly left, because didn't see any sight of her. No matter, he knew she lived in the military dorms somewhere if she was a new recruit. Of course the promotion he'd earned in the war would be taken away in a heartbeat if he were to fraternize in the dorms, but he would take that risk. After all, his hands were sort of do-whatever-I-want-and-get-away-with-it cards.

* * *

Nearly a month had passed since all of the soldiers had returned home. The Crimson Alchemist was still thinking intently on Hawkeye, so he knew she wouldn't forget him just as easily.

Without realizing, he had hooked himself to her and the mysteries she held. He figured if he knew the mysteries, he'd be done and they could go their separate ways. He made this thought of logic clear to her with anonymous blue roses with a golden ribbon tied to them, to represent his hair and eye color. He left them at her desk, in her room, wherever she went and she would get one a day until she sought him out and demanded him to leave her alone. He knew that pushing a woman like Hawkeye's buttons would give him a very interesting result.

One day he worked late and hadn't had time to get a rose to her before the day was over. He figured this time he'd deliver the rose in person. The thing was, as he held the blue rose with a golden ribbon tied to it in his hand, Hawkeye had been expecting him to come to her room. Why? Because she was a smart woman who knew he consistently delivered one rose a day and today would be no different.

When he went to open to door to her room, a distinct clicking noise rang in his ears, making him freeze in place.

"Step inside quietly." Her voice commanded without flaw. He smirked, knowing it was her and probably had a gun point right at his skull. The alchemist complied, opening the door, letting them both in, and then shutting it. He turned, leaning against the door and looking straight at Riza as if the gun pointed in between his eyes wasn't there.

"Crimson Alchemist Kimblee. If there is something you need to say or tell me, I suggest you get it out now and then leave me alone." she said with a slight edge. He smirked even more; he didn't think he'd had this much effect over her...

"For you." he said politely but still with a tease, and held out the rose for her.

Taken aback, Riza stood with the weapon pointed at him for several moments, deciding whether to lower the weapon in the midst of the bomber soldier. Looking at the beauty of the rose, her instincts told her she was in no immediate harm and she would be able to handle herself otherwise. Slowly, she lowered her weapon and reached one hand to take the perfect rose from his larger, smooth hand.

Kimblee waited until she grabbed the rose before he quickly used that hand to take hers, using the other to grab her other hand with the gun in it. Her reflexes were wicked fast but so were his; they met at an arm strength match with Riza's gun pointed at the ceiling.

She glared, but Kimblee still held his same amused expression. "Don't shoot." he said in a low voice. "I'm here out of curiosity and I will do nothing to you that you wouldn't want me to."

In this he had gotten a hold of her gun from her grasp and threw it to the side, free hand taking her free arm and drawing her to him. She still fought, but said nothing. If someone around her room were to be disturbed and found out he was here...

"Riza. Calm down and hear me out." he started, voice still very calm and expression glimmering with the feel of her in his arms. "As soon as we both find out what we want, I'll leave you alone."

She didn't seem satisfied or flattered from him using her first name. "How can I believe you." She demanded more than asked.

"You can't." he replied sharply, hands holding her around the waist even when she was pushing away; his fingers crawled along the fabric until he touched the bare skin of her back. "After tonight you can forget everything about me if you want; but there's something you're hiding and I want to know what it is."

She still struggled, but less so after a moan escaped her throat from the alchemist's touch. "And why should I show you anything?"

"I'll keep every secret safe until death. I owe you, don't I? Not one soul will hear anything about you from my lips." His golden eyes focused on her auburn. The last word lingered in the air long enough for Kimblee to connect his thin lips to her full and soft ones.

The horrible part for Riza was that he was holding true to the 'not doing anything she didn't want;' she did want this, but her pride wouldn't let her admit it to him.

Most of the resistance was lost as she melted under him, the blue rose still in her hand and gun forgotten on the floor. He picked her up, carrying her into the bedroom, where he dropped her on the bed and pounced.

Nothing was extremely soft and tender. It was all so intimate and he made sure every particle of her skin was ablaze with the desire from start to finish.

The Alchemist removed her shirt and everything underneath before flipping her over to look at the tattoo on her back, which was partially destroyed with a large burn mark. He stared at the magnificence of her body in total awe for several moments, all while making sure Riza never saw a dull moment by using his touch to keep her arched and pleased.

"This?" he asked before using his tongue to outline the tattooed flesh.

In her heightened breath, she managed to explain it. "My father's research... the secret to fire alchemy... Roy was his apprentice... They are the only two besides yourself to see it."

Kimblee's mind was dazzled. So he was correct with this dealing with Mustang in some way...

He came to the burn, which he stopped touching her skin to ask how that had come about.

"The scar was something I asked Roy to do. I wanted him to destroy the symbol so there would never be another fire alchemist with the amount of power the circle describes..." She gasped in a breath of air as Kimblee's tongue slid across a very sensitive part of her lower back. "I also asked him to destroy it so I would be _just_ Elizabeth Hawkeye..."

Kimblee resumed his actions as soon as she was finished. Removing his shirt and pants and the remainder of her clothing, he flipped her over to look at the lust in her eyes. There was a regret in her iris though; only a hint of it as he began to kiss her neck and grope the rest of her smooth and curvy body.

"So I can safely guess that Mustang has already taken you?" he asked huskily into her neck.

She whimpered, nodding her head and arching her chest into his. "I love him, Kimblee."

Kimblee paused once again, glancing up at her facial expressions. He understood instantly. "So this means nothing?" he asked. There was no immediate answer, so he bit softly into the flesh on her neck. She cried out very softly, managing a yes at the end of it all.

"Hm."

Nothing else was said as he finished with foreplay and took her without much preparation.

Intimate and determined, Kimblee swore to make this a night she would remember every time Roy would ever touch her after this. Jealous? Perhaps. But he knew he wouldn't be able to drive Hawkeye away from Mustang; but maybe he could drive her insane even after he was long gone.

"And you?" she asked him in shallow breaths, body exhausted and sweaty and completely spent for the amount the alchemist had driven.

He moved closer, sticking their disgusting flesh together. "I'm a bomber. During the war I realized just how much I enjoyed the gift of the alchemy I have... Doesn't matter what explodes, just having the power to destroy and kill who ever and whatever gets the adrenaline going enough to a point it could match ecstasy." He paused, kissing up her arm and neck until he reached her quivering lips. "Call me insane if you want, I see myself as passionate."

Riza closed her eyes, taking in what he said. "Maybe I have other reasons for calling you insane..." Too tired to say another word, she fell into a land of dreams.

* * *

In the morning, Riza awoke very sore in the sheets of her own bed; alone.

Well, alone but not empty handed. There was a fresh, deep blue rose with a golden ribbon tied to the stem on the pillow next to her.

And it was the last one she ever received from the Crimson Alchemist.


End file.
